hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
and she was petting her beer can
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
