my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
