I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
This house was built for laser tag.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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