Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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