White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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