im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
