You made me cry and you don't even care
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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