i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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