HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
