just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
