I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
