grandma shit on top of the toilet
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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