Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
