Can i not drive my cunt home
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
