like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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