we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
