Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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