Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
