whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
