he puts the penis in happiness.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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