As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
