This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
