when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize