would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Dear god my vagina.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
