you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
