**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
