So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
