Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
