i think my tv is drunk
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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