Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize