Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
