What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize