Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
