Someone shit on the floor
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
