i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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