Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize