It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
