At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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