shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
did i walk over a car last night?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
