ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
