She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
