Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Pants are for mortals
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
