please come you make the beer taste better
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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