I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize