If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
