i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Please don't give away my fajitas
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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