and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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