Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
