At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize