God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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