you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
