I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
