Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
