Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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