I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize