Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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