one two three fourrrrnication!
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
