I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
