i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
