wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
