yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
