I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
