I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
