I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
