Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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