Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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