I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Two words: nipple clamps
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