You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
